15 months after starting...

Dear friend,

       I began running last January because it was something I was convinced was impossible for me. I was terrified when I started and hated every minute of it for months, but I was just NOT going to fail. I needed that power that comes from conquering an impossible thing, and I gave myself a lot of slack but never quit. I was not comparing myself to ANYone. That was hard. It was truly a journey of self-discovery... learning that I was stronger than I thought, learning that I could succeed, not just fail (there go the tears, that was a hard thing to accept!) and truly understanding perserverance for the first time in my life. This was not about losing weight so I could look good, or even be healthy! It was cutting to the core of my self-image and I stayed vulnerable for the whole year! It was WAY more emotional than physical, which was always a surprise.
People started telling me I was looking good, losing weight, etc, and I flat out denied it. I was scared of success, scared of owning an accomplishment. What if it went away?
And then, slowly, *I* started to not be able to deny it any more. I was -gasp- looking forward to my runs. I wasn't able to wear anything I owned. I had to go shopping and the sizes kept getting smaller. I trepidatiously began to allow the possibility of success to grow in my thoughts and I felt happiness creeping in. I felt powerful, because here I was, 10-11 months later, sticking with it. Then the Bridge Run came. I had run a 5K around a track a couple of times, but never trained on a hill, so I wasn't hopeful I'd be able to run the whole thing. I did, though. I ran and felt the euphoria of success. I felt like a conquerer! Me! That was it, I had become a runner. Or at least my version of one, which is good enough, thank you, Lord!
So, after that has been a plateau of four months with little or no progress and I don't run 3x a week, but at least once. I felt kind of low after such a high in December, and that was weird but I think it's part of the journey, too. Now, I know that I will continue. There is just NO way that I will let that hard work last year go to waste! Plus, I still love going out to run and clear my mind. I never thought I would say that. As far as food, I feel like somewhere along the emotional way, my addiction to food broke and I just started eating less. Still, no rules for me! I am planning this year to run farther than my 3 miles, but I'm not stressed about it.

Love,
Trish